[00:00:00] Welcome to the Life Things podcast, where we think life things, speak, life things, and share life things. I am your host Dejak author and grad student getting a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. This podcast is for women who desire to start a journey or are already on a journey of. Healing and wholeness.
Who's sick of choosing the wrong men and who are ready to let God do the chooses? The topics covered on this podcast will be faith, self-discovery, relationships, marriage and purpose. I hope this podcast renews your mind and helps you to think like things and speak life things through the life, things you learn here.
So today we're gonna be talking about insec. And the definition of insecurity is a lack of confidence or an uncertainty about yourself. And I'm going to be talking about insecurities as it relates to relationships because [00:01:00] that's what this podcast is all about. And because we often are displaying signs of having insecurities in relationships, and we think that it's just normal behavior, Well, really it's you doing things out of insecurity.
And so I've always heard men say like, we do what women allow and we allow a lot of stuff . And I feel like we allow those things because we feel like if we tolerate. This or that, or if we tolerate so much from a man, then it'll make us worth it. It'll make him like see us as worthy. That's what it'll make it.
Uh, them do. And I don't know why we have this mindset of like, the more that we can take from a man or a more. That we can tolerate, then it feels like it will make him love us more or give us more or appreciate us more, or whatever the case is, [00:02:00] and that just isn't the case. So I'm going to be making you guys aware of all of the insecurities that I have written down.
I have noticed, I have heard from other people, so I'm going to be reading those just to make you aware of the Insec Secur. That you may be carrying in your relationships or so you won't carry them into your next relationship. Okay, so I'll get straight into it. So the first insecurities, and these are like insecurity styles, and these are attachment styles.
And the first is an anxious attachment. Where these people fear people, abandoning them, and then a fearful avoidant attachment. They have trust issues. They're distant and they fear rejection, a disorganized attachment. They have a negative view of themselves and others, and they often feel worthless or help.[00:03:00]
And the dismissive avoidant attachment is extremely self-reliant, independent thinking that they don't need anybody to like fulfill their needs. But there is also what we are striving to be is a secure attachment, which communicates and feels their emotions. They trust people. They're not worried about getting too close to people or worried about people leaving them.
So we all wanna get to that secure attachment style. Another insecurity is fear of being alone. Where you just always wanna have somebody there, like people who are scared to be single and like always want to be in a relationship with somebody. Fear of abandonment is another one where you're scared a man is going to leave you for someone else.
Fear of rejection where you're scared that somebody won't like you or what comes along with you. Codependency, [00:04:00] basically depending on somebody for everything. Even down to trying to make that person make you happy and you're not happy on your own, feeling like you're chasing a man is also a part of being insecure.
Having to give and give and chase, and chase, and the man isn't giving you anything in return. Wondering if you're good enough in a relationship thinking that you can give more love and they'll give you more love and return. Doing whatever they want, because if you don't, then they're gonna get mad or they're gonna leave.
Basically. We all know this is like people pleasing. You're always doing things for him, buying things for him, but never doing anything for yourself, like neglecting yourself. That's also an insecurity. You don't like the way you look, you. You have a lack of self-confidence about your appearance, so it may make you [00:05:00] more materialistic or you may wear a lot of makeup.
You may be more revealing in your clothing or what you wear online or whatever, or what you wear out. That is could also be an insecurity feeling like you have to prove and explain yourself all of the time That comes down to. Insecurity about somebody not liking you like you feel, like you have to keep explaining because they may not like you if you don't like prove that you aren't coming off wrong or whatever the case may be.
seeking validation, so seeking compliments, seeking their opinion of your worth, constantly asking for reassurance. Those are all insecurities seeking acceptance. You can, like I said, be a people pleaser, or this can also come through sex like you can be seeking. Acceptance through having sex with people, seeking attention [00:06:00] on social media, like I said, through clothes and stuff.
So seeking attention is also an insecurity. And then also, like you don't wanna go anywhere without your partner, and that goes back to like fear of being alone. So yeah, those are the insecurities that I have. If you see yourself in any of these insecurities when you are in relationships, then I will suggest you write those down.
And we talked about therapy and in one of the previous podcasts, so I would say write those down. Be aware of yourself, and be aware and be honest with yourself about the things that you do when you are in relationships, and take it to therapy. Journal about it, pray about it. Ask God to help you reveal the things that you do, and to help you to move past it, but also go to therapy.
Take it to therapy, and talk to someone about it so you can get on the right path to a secure attachment style [00:07:00] and being secure within yourself, being secure within God, and moving forward in the relationships that serve you. So yeah, that is the end of this podcast. Thank you for listening. Just remember to think life things, speak life things, and share life things.