Overcoming Betrayal

This episode is how I overcame betrayal. Are you struggling with this right now? I hope this encourages you!

For my book, children’s book, and socials head over to 
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Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Life Things podcast, where we think life things, speak, life things, and share life things. I am your host Daijonae author and grad student getting a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. This podcast is for women who desire to start a journey or are already on a journey of healing and wholeness.

Who's sick of choosing the wrong men and who are ready to let God? Choosing the topics covered on this podcast will be faith, self-discovery, relationships, marriage and purpose. I hope this podcast renews your mind and helps you to think like things and speak life things through the life, things you learn here.

So today we're gonna be talking about handling betrayal, and if you're anything like me, then you know how it feels to love a person and feel like you're gonna spend the rest of your life with this person and to be betrayed by the person and. [00:01:00] You just hit rock bottom. It's like you don't know what to do.

You are very like confused, hurt, and all the feelings that come along with that. And when we're at this rock bottom place, it kind of feels like we don't know where to go from there. And that's kind of why I even started like this journey is because I really wanted. To, well, first I wanted to help women not even get to that point.

I wanted to help women just like not have to get to the point of being with somebody who would betray them. And obviously we all know like anything can happen, like people are people. So you can't really like prevent that per se. But what you can do is try. Your best to allow God to pick the person for you instead of us trying to pick people out of our insecurities.

And [00:02:00] so I wanted to help women with that, but God told me that he wanted me to help walk people through just like I did. So, People who have experienced heartbreak, who have experienced betrayal, walking those women through the journey after they have already experienced the heartbreak. And so that's basically what this podcast is about, who this podcast is for, is for women like that, women that who have already experienced the heartbreak and who's ready to be on a journey of wholeness, a journey of self-development, healing, a spiritual journey.

all of that to get closer to God and get whole within themselves so that we will be able to hear God when he says like this is or isn't the person we will be able to follow through with not picking people just. because they're cute or because they make me feel good, or whatever the case is, [00:03:00] we will have a bigger purpose for why we're even with this person or wanna be with this person or wanna marry this person.

And so that's what this whole podcast is centered around. And so I just wanted to go. Through some of the steps that I went through during my rock bottom moment of experiencing betrayal and how I handled it. And so I wanted to share that with you guys. So the first thing that I did was I tried to get my strength from other people who have the strength that I didn't have.

And so what I did was I listened to. a million sermons like I was playing sermons back to back, to back to back because I really just wanted to hear s like encouragement. I think that's what it was. It was like I just wanted to be encouraged because you get so low and like so depressed and stuff in that time, like you just want to hear something to [00:04:00] bring your spirits up.

Something that gives you hope that there is something on the other side of the pain. And so I continued to listen to sermons over and over and over again, and that kept me from falling into a really deep depression. And because I was. Encouraged and hopeful in some type of way. Because I was listening to sermons, I then went into therapy and because that also made me look at myself and say like, why did I get myself here in the first place?

Like what was going on? To the point where I was with somebody who would do this to me. And so I had to basically like look myself in the mirror and be responsible, take responsibility for the fact, like how did I even get here? And so I went to therapy and I worked with the therapist to figure those insecurities out and figure out the reasoning why I was even there in the first place and how to move forward with [00:05:00] that.

And so the other reason why we want to go to. Therapy is because we also have all like after experiencing betrayal like that, you have all these like negative talk that you'll do. Like, am I enough? Like what did I do wrong? Like, what's wrong with me? All of this type of stuff that we kind of conjure up in our heads.

And in reality, it's nothing about us per se. It's nothing that has anything to do about our worth. It has everything to do behind the insecurities that we had going into these relationships, picking the person that we picked. And all we have to do is be more secure in ourselves, more secure in God, which at that point of after betrayal, is really hard to do because you don't trust anything, like you don't trust others.

You don't trust yourself. You don't. You don't even trust that you even hear God correctly after you go through something like that. And so it's a really hard spot to be in. [00:06:00] So yeah, definitely sermons helped go into therapy, helped to talk it out and work it out. And also the other thing is forgiveness.

So forgiveness as well, because. These people who betray us are outliving their lives, whatever lives they betrayed us for , like they're outliving those lives. And so it's like we are in the house or in our depression, sad and moping and bitter and angry and all of that stuff. And like us feeling that way has no effect on the other person.

Like the more bitter we are, the more angry we are, it does not affect that other person. at all. So they're out having fun, living their life or doing whatever, and then we're stuck on the other side. All sad and bitter. And so it's like we have to forgive not for that other person to get off the hook or whatever it is to help ourselves.

Like we have to not put that type of negativity and stress on ourselves [00:07:00] to be angry at somebody who is not worth. Even stressing about, because if they were able to betray you and do something like that to you, then why do you wanna hold on to all the stress that comes with not letting it go and not forgiving?

And yes, it is truly, truly easier said than done, but I have walked through it and that's the only reason why I can say it now is that because I am on the other side of it, it would've been so much easier if I would've. This at the beginning of my journey and just listen to the fact like, just forgive.

Just forgive. And it's like it's literally a daily thing, like you think you forgive one time, but really you have to ask God to continuously help you forgive daily. Like it's literally a daily. Thing, especially if you have kids with the person. Maybe it'll be easier if you did, like if people got married or was in relationship with somebody and that happened and you didn't have any attachments to that person.

[00:08:00] After that, maybe it'll be easier. But if you have kids with this person, it's definitely a daily asking God to help you. Forgive. And then lastly, what helped me is reframing the situation, not asking God, like, why did this happen to me? Why did you let this happen to me? Or any of those types of things, like Why, why, why?

Basically reframing it and looking at it like, what is the lesson here? Like there's something, God that you're trying to teach me in this, there's something that I can grow from in this and, or it is something that will help me be a better, a better person. So, In here that would help me find my purpose, find my passion, like looking at it from that angle of like, what are you trying to teach me in this?

Rather than looking at it from the angle of negativity, it's always better to change your narrative. And change your story behind the things that you're going through. Because if you're only focused on the negative, then nothing good is gonna come. It's gon, your life is gonna [00:09:00] continue to be negative. But if you reframe and you look at things in a positive sense and you look at basically how God turns everything for good, like even though this thing is not good, God can turn.

For your good. And so what is the good asking God, what is the good out of this? Like what is the lesson out of this? And that is literally the thing that really sparked me in turning my pain to purpose is literally looking at what was the good that comes out of this. And one of the good things that came out of it was my children's book.

That was the first thing was like, God, I never want my daughter to experie. What I'm experiencing right now. So how can I, like, what can I do to allow her to never experience this type of pain? And one of the things was her identity in Christ, allowing her to know her identity in Christ at a young age.

And that is how I came up with my children's book. And so that is, Piece, one [00:10:00] huge piece to the puzzle is basically reframing and figuring out what is the good in this negative situation. So that is it you all, and I thank you guys for listening. Just remember to think life things, speak life things, and share life things.